So here’s another thing I do guys. I’m realizing I constantly make up tips and tools and tricks to help me. Add this one to your toolbox if you think it could help you too! So you know how I’m an introvert right….? Could I mention that any more for god’s sake?! The reason I mention it is because I have to remind people since they are always surprised. I wrote about this once….. I’m a bubbly introvert.
Anyways, so one of my struggles in life is that I want to do everything. Yet I also want to do nothing. I’m a homebody. I love to be in my cozy home and get lost in my thoughts or books or writing or creating. Quiet is important to me. However, as I mention in my bio, I am a loner with a shitload of friends. I’ve moved a lot and lived in several countries so I know a lot of people and I am fortunate to have some amazing friends. Plus, I’m in a career that involves meeting even more people and knowing all these people leads to a lot of activities and events and parties and gatherings and get togethers and plans.I just can’t seem to stop liking people!… and EVERYTHING seems to always be very exciting to me… until it isn’t. The excitement turns into dread as my calendar fills up and my body reminds me about what my true self needs. Quiet, and Alone, with a big side of Breathing Space.
I had a habit of saying yes to everything and everyone… as many of us do. Halfway through the events, especially the loud ones, especially the ones that involved small talk and no meaningful conversation, I would think to myself about how I would rather be drinking a hot beverage in my cozy home. In my bed. Surrounded by books and my own sacred energy.
After too many times of selling myself out and denying my needs, and saying yes when I really would prefer to say no…. I realized I needed to come up with a list to declare my principles. Kind of like a checklist to help me decide if I should say yes or no to all these fabulous plans! I named this list "Social Planning Principles".
I started with this sentence.“The only thing you shouldn’t miss is what matters to you.” Then I had to decide what matters to me.
THIS IS MY YES LIST
One-on-One time with special friends
It should be noted that even though these things matter to me……. these people and great moments…. I still don’t have it in me to devote all my spare time to them. Often, I need to remove myself from everything. Even when I like the people. Even when I like the ideas. Even when I know the conversation will be meaningful and the friends are special. Because I’m just not cut out for “go time” all the time. Are you with me?Know thyself!
Then I had to declare what I would say no to.
THIS IS MY NO LIST
Plans every weekend. Too many plans drain me. End of story. Stop lining them up.
Back-to-back plans.This means if I have lunch plans with a friend and then get asked to meet someone for dinner later, I will say no. I learned a long time ago that this takes away from the person I have the original plans with because I’m worried about where I’m going next, and I may have to cut my time off short with that person…. or I may be late for the next person and tired, which also isn’t fair…and also this allows me to be completely present with the person I made the plans with in the first place. Mostly, I know that I will need to retreat to my own space for time to myself.
Hanging out with people whose life is about the “show”.I don’t want to hang out with people who feel the need to put on “over the top” parties with too much drinking and too much trying. It’s exhausting and boring. Don’t get the wrong idea here, I like parties and people and alcohol and sometimes I like all these things too much. What I’m trying to say is that if the event feels like a cool contest, I’m out. Yawn.
Events that Involve Too Much Small Talk. Introverts despise small talk. No depth. No thank you.
Loud Bars.(I can’t hear anyone. Unless I’m there to strictly dance.. or to just look hot…..other than that, what’s the point?)
Plans during PMS.(Avoid at all cost. I need to be true to me, myself, and I the very most during this time. It’s also my gift to the world to keep my energy under lockdown during this time. Trust me.I will tell you more about my PMDD sometime soon).
So there you have it! I keep my Social Planning Principles with me at all times and refer to it when I’m unsure whether saying yes to others is saying NO to me. It’s stored in my Wunderlist (One of my favorite apps by the way). I’ll tell you this too! If you’re looking for a good excuse when you need to say no, this is the best one EVER!
Decide what matters to you.
Make a Social Planning Principles list that will honor your needs.
Say yes to yourself!